if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
