Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
