Who wears a wallet chain?!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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