I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
