I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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