once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
