I need to stop coming to work sober
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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