I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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