all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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