We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
