Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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