I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
