i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My liver just broke up with me...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
