capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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