U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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