New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
