i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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