he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
