I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
