You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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