I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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