Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
