I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
