I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
