I wish I could teleport
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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