marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
