You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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