The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
