I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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