I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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