He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
