I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My ass is underappreciated
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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