$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
