You made me cry and you don't even care
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
