I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Vodka?
Forever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
