i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
