My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
