I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
