dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
