It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your penis caused this!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
