I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
