This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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