I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
