Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
