Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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