i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
