her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
