She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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