I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
