Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
