When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
