we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
