i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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