so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
